Somehow before you were born I had this big fear that becoming a Mom would mean that I’d lose something. Maybe I was afraid I’d lose myself in motherhood, or miss out on life’s adventures, or fruitfulness in ministry, or some dreams I was afraid would need to die in the wake of parenting.
But I’ve been amazed to find just the contrary. Having you has helped me to find more of myself and to get in touch with what is essential – both for being and doing. As for adventures – you have become our greatest adventure yet. And I don’t even need to leave the house to find it! For fruitfulness – somehow in this season, God has managed to make me more fruitful in ministry than any other time in my life…and I have been pursuing my dreams more than I ever have!
Far from empty, I could not imagine a more rich life. Not only did I gain you – this smiling, charming, snuggly, determined, and people-loving little boy that lights up every room he is in and makes everyone smile – I gained myself in a whole new way.
Thank you for teaching me to slow down and pay attention. For teaching me to breathe and soak in each moment. Thank you for teaching me to laugh at myself and you – often. Thank you for reminding me every time you snuggle in and suck your thumb on my chest that I am loved regardless of what I accomplish each day. Thank you for teaching me to see every stranger as someone to love and that it is well worth the small effort to make people smile.
During holy week, as I think about what it took to bring you into the world, I am reminded of Jesus’ words, “Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” – John 12
There are definitely ways I have been learning how to die to myself in order to love you – labor definitely being the first of many! But, just like labor – the pain and struggle in dying to self has been so worth the joy of having you in our world and the life it has brought!
Thanks be to God for transforming this ordinary seed into something alive, strong, and beautiful through the journey of praying for, waiting for, laboring for, and ultimately receiving and loving you! I am definitely no longer that safe and secure seed buried in the ground, but something that is looking more and more like the life-giving tree I was meant to become each day.
I can’t believe you turn 1 tomorrow! Happy birthday, sweet boy!